When we first met I had no idea what to expect. Would you like me? Was I cool enough for you? Was I what you were looking for?
Our relationship started out pretty casually. I had no idea what was in store for me over the next two years. You were so open and inviting. You were always encouraging me and pushing me to be better. At this point in my life I don’t think I had ever been as dedicated to something as I was to you.
In the first year of our relationship it was full of new and exciting things. Weekend trips to places I’d never been, a fancy party or two, and continuing to learn more about each other.
Around the one year mark something happened. I thought I had proven myself to you, but apparently I wasn’t good enough. At that moment my heart broke. However, I wouldn’t let this hold me back.
Something happened within me when you rejected me. I was able to overcome a fear I had been holding on to. Your rejection allowed me to improve more than I had before. You noticed too. You started to regret your decision.
You changed your mind and you wanted to make it official. I couldn’t have been more thrilled, nervous, excited, terrified, or ready for this moment. It had been over a year in the making and I finally got what I wanted.
Things were really good for awhile. Like, really good. I felt like we hit a stride and were coming together in ways we hadn’t been able to before.
Then something happened. I was overcommitting myself. Drama was escalating and I had to do something about it. Not only in this relationship, but in my life. I started to hate my job and living in Harrisonburg. I needed to get out.
I realized that my priorities had changed. I needed to focus on getting a new job and getting out of the area. I knew you weren’t going to help me reach any of these life goals I had. I struggled because I didn’t want to break up with you. You had been through so much with me. There were so many wonderful memories together. I grew up a lot and learned so much about myself through you. These conflicting feelings multiplied all my stress until I reached my breaking point. I had no idea I could become that angry and I broke things off in a way I didn’t plan to.
I think this happened for a reason though. I needed to reach that completely overwhelmed feeling to make the changes that I did. I know the way I handled the situation could have been better, but it was the only way I could manage at that time.
After the break up I was still in Harrisonburg. A tiny town where I knew no other serious relationship was possible, so I just needed to wait until I relocated. We broke up in August and by November I was back in Pittsburgh. By early January I was ready to try things again with someone new. I thought I was ready to handle another serious commitment. I was going to learn from my mistakes from our relationship and go into this new one with better expectations. I was going to make sure I didn’t jump into it too fast or over commit myself. I needed to make sure I was still working on myself outside of this new relationship.
Things started out casually and it was easier than I thought it was going to be. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to keep up since I was now in a big city and not in tiny small town Virginia. This new relationship lasted for about a month. I realized I was just trying to prove that I still had it, which I did.
My relationship with you was something that I needed at that time in my life. I no longer need it, but I appreciate it for all it taught me. I will definitely remember it for my entire life.
This is my break up story with the Rocktown Rollers and my rebound with the Steel City Derby Demons.